Tennessee Titans (previously known as the Tennessee Oilers and Houston Oilers)
- 2011 Record: 9-7 (2nd in AFC South)
- 2011 Point Differential: +8 (17th out of 32)
- 2011 Strength of Schedule (per PFR’s SRS system): -1.5 (30th)
- 2011 Adjusted Net Yards per Pass Attempt (offense): 6.1 (t-13th)
- 2011 Adjusted Net Yards per Pass Attempt (defense): 5.7 (t-10th)
- 2011 Adjusted Pythagorean Record (accounting for Strength of Schedule): 7.5-8.5 (t-19th)
- 2010 Adjusted Pythagorean Record: 8.5-7.5 (14th)
And now a word from our sponsor, Titans owner Bud Adams, who’s here to tell us about his amazing new product: Dips**t-Free Dentures. I’m sure you all will give him your rapt attention…
The following is a paid advertisement and does not reflect the views or opinions of Someone Still Loves You, Alberto Riveron
*turns around, smiles wide* Why, howdy there! I didn’t see you come in. Why don’t you make yourself at home there on the sofa couch and we’ll make a bit of nice hot cocoa to cool you off? Would you like that? *tilts head, eyes narrow* I bet you would. I bet you’ve been outside all day in the hot sun, toiling away in the salt mines, sweat glistening off your furried brow, just trying to make ends meet for you and your kin. Come here. *pats seat of couch, starts walking towards kitchen* Let Big Bud take care of you today. We’ll nurse you back to health with a warm blanket, some nice hot cocoa with big ‘ol marshmallows just stickin’ out the top, some delicious Halle Berry-brand Kettle Corn, and a soothing Meg Ryan movie marathon to take your mind off your troubles…*turns around sharply, cocks head* What’s that? You can’t eat kettle corn because you’re afraid? Afraid of what, my friend? Afraid of sweet, crunchy goodness in your mouth? Afraid of experiencing exciting new taste sensations? Afraid of being murdered in the woods by a giant armadillo? Or…*leans close, eyes narrow*…are you just afraid you’ll break your dentures?
HAHAHAHA. I knew it was the last one. Well, don’t live in fear any longer, my handsome young friend. Dips**t-Free Dentures are here to make all your nightmares of dental trauma seem as silly as that time you thought you saw me smiling at you through your bedroom window! And we all know how fruitless that turned out to be – according to official police investigations, anyway. Let Dips**t-Free Dentures slowly, effortlessly glide into your mouth, son. Admire its remarkable approximation of actual human tooth enamel. Revel in the return of your maxillary central incisor! Remind yourself how wonderful it feels to have butterscotch syrup lightly drizzled all over the interior of your oral cavity. All these things and more are possible with the introduction of Dips**t-Free Dentures into your life, my boy. But don’t take my word for it. Let me introduce to a real, living, breathing organism that has experienced the difference that Dips**t-Free Dentures can make in his own life. His name is Kenneth Stanley Adams Jr. *winks, smiles wide*
HAHAHAHA. I knew you wouldn’t think it was me. Just look at that picture above. How can a handsome ‘ol bunny rabbit like that – with such luxurious, resplendent chiclets – be in need of oral enhancement services? But it’s true. Just four short years ago, I was living a life of gummy, mucosal embarassment. I could neither take a big ‘ol chomp into a delicious Granny Smith apple nor engage interesting young fellas like yourself in conversation at the Y. But thanks to a miracle breakthrough from my team of top-notch orthodontists, I’ve become my old self again. I’m refreshed and reinvigorated! I’ve got the confidence again to go out again and meet young birds like LuAnne in the picture above! I’ve even eaten so many slabs of corn on the cob at Shoney’s the past few years that the employees have taken to calling me “The Cornholer.” HAHAHAHA. Amazing the things these young’uns come up with these days!
So what are you waiting for, son? Crunchy, tasty goodness is just sitting out there waiting for you to GRAB IT BY THE ACORNS and take a monstrous, emphatic bite out of its hiney. And with Dips**t-Free Dentures, you’ll finally be prepared to MAKE. THAT. HAPPEN. Call now and we’ll even throw in a FREE CHRISTMAS CARD (shipping and handling costs not included). So what do you say, my boy? *smiles wide, begins walking slowly toward the couch* Why don’t I just slip some of these Dips**t-Free Dentures in your mouth for a free trial? I promise they won’t bite…*eyes get wide*…OH WAIT. THEY WILL. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
The preceding has been a paid advertisment for Dips***t-Free Dentures.
Random thoughts
Chris Johnson followed up his monstrous contract extension before the 2011 season with an absolutely horrendous start to the year. How could a guy who was unquestionably the league’s most dangerous and exciting player just two years before average just 3.0 yards per carry in the first eight games of the season? He rebounded in the second half to hit the 1,0000 yard mark and get his yards per carry up to 4.0, but certainly much more is expected out of a back who will now bring a cap hit north of $10 million for the next four seasons…After three consecutive poor-to-very-poor seasons in Seattle, Matt Hasselbeck surprisingly rebounded in Tennessee to post a roughly average Adjusted Net Yards per Attempt figure in 2011. His greatest attribute was getting rid of the ball quickly, only getting sacked on 3.5% of his dropbacks. With Jake Locker now starting under center, expect the Titans’ sack rate to balloon with its new inexperienced, scrambling quarterback; on the other hand, Locker’s decided edge in arm strength could give the Titans more big plays in 2012…Receiver Kenny Britt had a huge start to the season last year before tearing both his ACL and MCL. The Titans were expecting big things out of Britt entering this year, but numerous off-the-field incidents will likely leave Britt suspended for a portion of the season…
Outlook
How you feel about the Titans’ chances in 2012 is likely tied to your opinion of their new starting quarterback, second-year man Jake Locker. And for all his athleticism and arm strength, I have an extremely hard time believing that Locker will be accurate enough to succeed as a starting quarterback in the NFL. During his college career at Washington, Locker was very bally-hooed, but never really lived up to his potential, completing only 53.9% of his passes during his career. More worrisome: he only averaged 6.7 yards per attempt in his entire Husky career. For perspective, the NFL yards per attempt average each season usually sits right at or above 7.0. How is a guy who never hit that figure in college going to start doing that in the pros? For those reasons stated above, Tennessee’s offensive projection this season is very pessimistic and a defense that has essentially epitomized average play the past few seasons probably won’t be able to counteract that. Hence, a Titans team that was just a game back of first-place Houston last year seems likely to fall back to also-ran status in 2012.
2012 Projected Point Differential: 286.1-361.8
2012 Average Projection: 5.8-10.2 (3rd in AFC South)
Someone Still Loves You, Alberto Riveron 