That we’re left with nothing but sadness and eyes so teary
There’s at least one day that takes all the pain away,
A joyous day where no one asks how much I weigh.
Thanksgiving, of course! I’m sure that you’ve heard
Of all the feasting I’ll do on this bird
I wear my stretchy sweatpants to ensure I can give it my all
There’s a reason I earned the moniker, “Bane of the Butterball.”
Because of this feast, I tolerate the presence of my in-laws
Aunt Ethel can hardly be heard whilst eating a turkey leg raw
Yes, yes, I’m sure your knitting circle has done some wonderful deeds
But you’d best stand clear of the stuffing, lest you die from my stampede
Depart from my sight, insufferable Weight Watchers plan!
This domination of the yams has only just began
Soon the mashed taters and gravy will follow
Down the great path to my stomach to wallow
But, aghast and alas! What foul force has now come upon me?
I cannot find the willpower to even rise up and pee
How wonderful, how glorious were the intentions of my plan!
All laid to waste by the dastardly devil known as tryptophan
Still with joy I sit back, content with all that I have eaten
And proud I abstained from calling Cousin Vin a cretin
But wait! Am I gaining a second wind to break this long impasse?
Sadly, I’ve misread my body; it’s only more passing of gas.