2013 COAS/SSLYAR Pigskin Pick’Em: Week 2

Week 2’s picks are up over at Confessions of a Sportscaster. Both of us got off to good starts last week – I went 10-6, Lucas went 9-7. I didn’t do my homework well enough ahead of time this week, as I made my Jags/Raiders pick assuming that the hunk of flesh that got ripped off Blaine Gabbert’s hand wasn’t going to keep him from playing Sunday. Then again, if I’m going to start stressing out about picks based on whether Blaine Gabbert is playing or not in Week 2, I’m probably going to have a massive coronary bypass by Halloween.

2013 Records So Far:

Lucas: 9-7

Nathaniel: 10-6


Here’s a Video of the Craziest Game of the 2002 Season

And it happened in the first game of the year. The Chiefs beat the Browns 40-39 thanks to an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on the final play of the game that gave them an untimed down. Also of note: LOOK AT THOSE HOLES THE CHIEFS OFFENSIVE LINE CREATED. Priest Holmes was great, too, but holy crap was that o-line amazing.

Here’s a Video of the Longest Play in NFL History

Worth viewing for two reasons:

A): Antonio Cromartie doing something notable other than forgetting the names of all his kids;


B): Dan Dierdorf saying, “YOU COULD FRY AN EGG ON THE TOP OF BRAD CHILDRESS’S HEAD!” Sure, I guess you could do that if you really wanted to, Dan. But would the resulting taste of the egg be satisfactory? If you’re talking about subpar ways to fry an egg, I’M NOT SO SURE that using the top of Brad Childress’s head isn’t one of the right answers to that question.

Here’s a Video of Joe Buck Name-Dropping Mumford & Sons at Troy Aikman’s Expense

It should go without saying that Joe Buck, and not Robert Christgau, is the current dean of American music critics – why, over the course of five seconds in the video below, he professes knowledge of cool, hip indie bands like M83 and Passion Pit and Phoenix! Of course, sometimes when you’re the most intellectual tastemaker in the country, you’ve got to step on other people’s toes for not being as hip to the jive as you are. Such is the case with Troy Aikman for having just found out who Mumford & Sons were. DON’T YOU REALIZE THAT “LITTLE LION MAN” STARTED MAKING WAVES BACK IN THE YEAR 2009, TROY? Next, you’ll be telling me you don’t know who Arcade Fire is.

Here’s a Video of That One Game Where Joe Montana Played Against Steve Young

The pending Peyton Mannning Reunion Special game in Indy this upcoming season got me thinking about other great quarterbacks taking on their former teams in high-profile games. One of the most quintessential examples of this was Joe Montana leading the Chiefs against Steve Young and the 49ers in 1994. The entire game can be found (for now!) on YouTube – besides seeing two of the ten best (five best?) quarterbacks ever square off, how great is it to hear Summerall and Madden in their prime again? I’m telling you, this YouTube thing could be big someday.

Here’s A Video of All of Devin Hester’s Return Touchdowns

Please indulge the Bears fan in me for just a moment and recall how amazing Hester was in 2006 and (especially) 2007. My favorite part of this whole video is Dan Dierdorf repeatedly shaking his head and saying, “I don’t get it…I DON’T GET IT…” during Hester’s second return touchdown against the Broncos. Obviously, Todd Sauerbrun shouldn’t have been buying any green bananas in the week leading up to that game.

Here’s a Video of a Punter Catching Deion Sanders From Behind on a Punt Return

Hunter Smith had one of the easiest jobs in America for about a decade as the punter for the Colts while Peyton Manning was their quarterback. Stand on the sidelines while Peyton leads the team on another scoring drive? ALRIGHT, SOUNDS GOOD. Here, Smith actually made a pretty memorable play by tracking down Deion Sanders on a punt return during a 1999 game and keeping him from scoring. That Herculean effort wouldn’t have been necessary if his punt had gotten more than 1.7 seconds of hang time. But what the hell, he probably needed to stretch his legs anyway to avoid deep vein thrombosis.

Here’s a Video of Neil Rackers Completely Blowing a Free Kick Field Goal

If you’re anything like me, the thought of seeing an NFL game with a free-kick field goal (which a team can attempt the play after they fair catch a punt) drives you wild with desire and causes your heart to race and your loins to burn with passion. So in this Cardinals-Giants game from 2008, Neil Rackers had a chance to wedge his way into our hearts forever by making an uncontested 68-yard field goal at the end of the first half. And what happens? The ball makes it to the freaking 17-yard line. WHAT THE HELL, NEIL??? Sebastian Janikowski would cut off both his arms for that opportunity.

Random Mid-Week Headlines

I’m hurting for post ideas today, so I’m going to take the easy way out and post links to news stories from the past couple days and provide my own “insight” on each item as a way to justify the complete link dump. As someone whose main experience playing football has come via two-hand touch games in a church gym, obviously I am over-qualified to dole out my expertise. TO THE LINKS.

  • The Seahawks are shopping Matt Flynn pretty heavily, according to CBS Sports’ Jason La Canfora and the Jaguars, Bills, and Raiders are all currently in the mix to secure Mr. Flynn’s services. If Flynn is an above-average NFL starting quarterback (and I think he is), then this is one of the most important subplots of the offseason. The AFC is in the midst of a terrible downturn – only the four division winners (New England, Baltimore, Houston and Denver) rated as above-average teams in the year-end Predictive Yards per Play rankings, largely because those four teams (plus Buffalo) were the only ones in the conference to finish above-average on offense. With a few important exceptions, ALL THE GOOD QUARTERBACKS right now belong to the NFC. That’s why finding even an okay starter at quarterback (which Flynn can absolutely be) could turn a downtrodden AFC laughingstock into a 2013 playoff team. Yes, even the Jaguars. Personally, I was hoping that the Chiefs would have held out a little longer in their quarterback search to wait to get into the Flynn Sweepstakes because his accuracy and anticipation seems like they would be perfect fits for Andy Reid’s offense. And even should the Jaguars, Bills or Raiders land Flynn, all three teams have glaring issues defensively that could offset any potential improvement in the passing game. Still, keep an open eye out for wherever Flynn winds up.
  • Dez Bryant thinks that a 2,000 yard and 20 touchdown year receiving “can potentially happen” for him this year and that he’s just “scratching the surface” of his potential. The second part of his statement is undoubtedly true and I’d give him more of a shot to prove the first part true as well if it weren’t for two things – 1): The NFL schedule isn’t 18 games yet and 2): he suffered a back injury at the end of last season that’s kept him from running any routes this offseason and might keep him from participating in OTA’s. Also, there’s the fact that 85% of Tony Romo’s passes are six-yard stop routes to Jason Witten. WHERE WILL DEZ’S NECESSARY PASS TARGETS COME FROM? Also also, Dez is a knucklehead who might get suspended for injecting himself with purple drank or something. So there’s that, too.
  • The Chargers decided that taking a $6 million cap hit was preferable to watching Jared Gaither bumble around at left tackle again next year, so they cut him and proceeded to burn six million one dollar bills in a symbolic gesture at the team’s practice facility. Let’s face it: when Norv Turner is throwing you under the bus, there’s probably not a whole lot of other avenues of employment for you in football. Maybe the 6’9” Gaither can try massively underachieving at basketball?
  • And, finally, this isn’t football news, but it’s the best news I’ve heard in a very, VERY long time, so I’m sharing it with you, anyway: Tim McCarver’s retiring from broadcasting after this season. Now I’m not one to get overdramatic or deliriously happy very often, but…YES! YESSSSS!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We’re gonna be free, everyone! We’re finally going to be free from the worst announcer still gathering a paycheck! No longer will we be subject to the occasional Dick Stockton-Tim McCarver MLB on FOX broadcast, which always threatens to choke the life out of our very souls. In 2014, Joe Buck will begin overselling the terrible jokes of another unqualified former major leaguer. And I couldn’t be happier.