New York Giants
- 2011 Record: 9-7 (1st in NFC East, won Super Bowl XLVI against New England)
- 2011 Point Differential: -6 (19th out of 32)
- 2011 Strength of Schedule (per PFR’s SRS system): +2.0 (3rd)
- 2011 Adjusted Net Yards per Pass Attempt (offense): 7.4 (4th)
- 2011 Adjusted Net Yards per Pass Attempt (defense): 5.9 (t-17th)
- 2011 Adjusted Pythagorean Record (accounting for Strength of Schedule): 8.6-7.4 (13th)
- 2010 Adjusted Pythagorean Record: 8.9-7.1 (12th)
And now a very special preview of the 2012 Giants from Super Bowl-winning coach and current ESPN announcer Jon Gruden. Take it away, Coach Gruden!
Well, now. This right here’s a team I can get VERY EXCITED about. *chuckles* These NEW YORK GIANTS are the defending SUPER BOWL champions and I couldn’t be happier for ’em. The thing I was most struck by watching their RUN TO HISTORY last postseason was how they did it entirely their own way. They got off to a strong start, as they have been wont to do under Tom Coughlin, won six of their first eight contests, and basically said to the rest of the league, “WATCH OUT, NFL. THESE GUYS KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOIN’.” Then, as has also been their strategy during Tom’s time as head coach, they decided to pack it in a little bit in the second half and come PERILOUSLY CLOSE to missing the postseason. Now most coaches in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE prioritize things a little differently than Mr. Coughlin here. Just speaking strictly from personal experience, it was always my plan to win EVERY GAME – whether it be the first half of the season or second half or fourteenth quadrangle or some other unit of math I’m not as familiar with. But Tom has always been a thinker. And his philosophy has always been, “Let’s do our work here, men, in the first half of the season, then rest up and go with some vanilla game plans in the second half.” And two times in the last five years, that strategy has delivered SWEET, SWEET VICTORY for these NEW YORK GIANTS. I think you’re gonna see a lot of teams try this plan in the next few years. And it’s all because of the forward thinking of MY GUY Tom Coughlin and his NEW YORK GIANTS.
You know, all this talk about the Super Bowl and the success the Giants had last year has had me reminiscing about THOSE BLISSFUL TIMES when I won my Super Bowl ring as head coach of those Buccaneers they have down in Tampa there. I was a BONA FIDE OFFENSIVE GENIUS escaping from the murky lair of Al Davis’ haunted spirit and bringing peace and prosperity back to a Tampa Bay offense that was in SORE NEED OF SUCH PROPERTIES. But before I could do that…I had to win THESE GUYS’ respect. And the only way I could do that was by winning the respect of their leader, MY GUY Mr. Warren Sapp. So early on in my first training camp, I see Warren in the locker room toweling off after a hard practice, chatting with Booger McFarland about the relative merits of Mr. Justin Guarini. Now, if you remember correctly, Warren was a rather large man who could penetrate through the B gap of an offensive line like MY GUY Hernan Cortes could penetrate the INTERIOR OF THE AZTEC EMPIRE. But to fully become THESE GUYS’ LEADER, I would have to try to physically overpower Mr. Sapp. So I shout at Warren from across the locker room, I think something along the lines of “Hey Sapp, your keester is so fat it could seat a family of six!”, and bum rush him and try and get him on his can. Was I successful? In the most literal sense, I was not. I ended up separating a shoulder and getting flipped upside down in such a way that caused my face to get MUCH CLOSER to Warren’s scrotum than I had PREVIOUSLY PLANNED. But ultimately I had made my point. THOSE GUYS saw in that short-lived fight what JON DAVID GRUDEN was all about: heart, determination, six-yard slants, and RESILIENCE in the face of SCROTUMS. *tears up slightly, gets faraway look* I still consider that one of the FINEST MOMENTS OF MY FOOTBALL CAREER.
But getting back to THESE GUYS, the New York Giants. When I look at their PRO BOWL QUARTERBACK Eli Manning, I see a guy who is FEARLESS out there on that field. I know his brother Peyton’s got quite the resume himself, but did you know that Eli’s got TWO Super Bowl rings to Peyton’s ONE? Now I’m no ALEXANDRE GROTHENDIECK here, but even I can tell that that’s TWICE as many as his brother. *chuckles heartily* I tell ya, that reminds me of a warm summer afternoon I was spending giving my younger brother Jay a swirly in our toilet. I was having a GAY OLD TIME dipping Jay’s face far enough inside the john so that he could taste it when I noticed some impressive jewelry adorning Jay’s hands while they were writhing around on the bathroom floor. I asked Jay, “Hey, Jay, which Kay Jewelers did you knock off to get all these rings?” I couldn’t make out his response, mostly because his mouth was gargling in the toilet, but upon further inspection I was TAKEN ABACK. They were the SIX ARENA BOWL championship rings that my brother had won while playing that Arenaball they play there in those convocation centers. Now I know that Arenaball is only one step up from playing pickup games on the street with some homeless amputees, but I still found myself GREATLY IMPRESSED with what my little brother had accomplished. From that day forward, I resolved that I would show my brother A LITTLE MORE RESPECT and stop shoving his head in the Thunder Box so much. And I’m proud to say that, in the eight weeks since that resolution, I have refrained from giving Jay A SINGLE SWIRLY. *smirks, raises right hand* What can I say? Mid-Year’s Resolutions have bettered MANY A LIFE.
So do you hear that, Peyton? Show your little brother, Eli, a little more gosh-darn respect and stop sticking his head in the toilet so much. Your brother is a TWO-TIME SUPER BOWL CHAMPION. And I tell ya, he could do it a THIRD time this year. These NEW YORK GIANTS have all the pieces in place: a franchise quarterback with IMPECCABLE BLOODLINES, a fearsome pass rush that would make SAMMY BAUGH HIMSELF SOIL HIS PANTS IN AGONY, and an OUTSTANDING receiving core led by a guy named VICTOR CRUZ. Did you guys know that THIS GUY likes to do a little Salsa dance after he scores a touchdown? *chuckles heartily* I tell ya, that reminds me of the time Andy Reid and I went to a Couples dance class as a result of losing a bet with Dick Jauron…*holds up line at post office for another forty-five minutes explaining story*…
Random thoughts
Like their 2007 iteration that rode an even more suprising postseason run to a Super Bowl title, the 2011 Giants probably should go down as one of the worst teams ever to win the Super Bowl. They’re the only Super Bowl champion that failed to reach double-digit wins or post a positive point differential during the season. If we were to take the time to rank all 46 Super Bowl winners, I would have to think that the Giants would be one of the teams down in the #40’s. But of course, it’s always much, much better to go down as one of the worst Super Bowl winners ever than one of the best Super Bowl losers…The Giants offseason featured two more critical injuries than they would have preferred. Star receiver Hakeem Nicks broke his foot at OTAs in May, but was taken off the Physically Unable to Perform list on August 13th and should be 100% for the regular season. It’s unclear whether the same can be said for cornerback Terrell Thomas, who injured the same ACL he’s torn twice; thankfully for the Giants, this injury doesn’t appear to be another tear…A large reason why the Giants have swooned in the second half of recent seasons is the ridiculous backloading of their schedules. Last year, for example, they had a stretch starting with a game at New England Nov. 6 running through the end of the season in which they faced only one team with a losing record and their opponents’ combined record was 91-53….
Outlook
The Giants figure to follow up their second Super Bowl in five years with another strong season. Eli Manning has turned into one of the top ten quarterbacks in the league over the past three years and this year’s edition of the Giants’ offense should safely fall somewhere in the top quarter of the league. The Giants’ defense was also much better according to advanced metrics last year than conventional wisdom had them pegged; after factoring in strength of schedule, the defense was actually above-average and, with improved health in the secondary, they should be closer to the really good unit that appeared in 2010. The schedule this year is once again one of the most brutal in the league and the Giants have to figure out a way to beat Philadelphia (they’ve lost seven of their last nine meetings) if they’re going to repeat as NFC East champs. But this is a team that can both pass and defend the pass very well and those qualities will have the Giants in the postseason mix once again in 2012.
2012 Projected Point Differential: 417.8-351.2
2012 Average Projection: 9.6-6.4 (2nd in NFC East)
Someone Still Loves You, Alberto Riveron 