Your Midweek Update on Meaningless Training Camp Battles 3

Every year during training camp, NFL fans breathlessly await golden nuggets of information regarding meaningless position battles that they will likely forget about in September. There are those golden nuggets regarding those meaningless position battles you will likely forget for this week…

Miami Dolphins, Quarterback: Matt Moore vs. Ryan Tannehill vs. David Garrard. Tannehill (pictured above with wife Lauren in a transparent scheme to drive up site traffic) looked good against Tampa Bay’s 2nd and 3rd stringers last Friday, convincing some people that he should start from day one in Miami. Because any time you can throw away a shot at the playoffs by playing a rookie quarterback who is NOWHERE NEAR READY YET, you have to do it.

Detroit Lions, Cornerback: Alphonso Smith vs. Jacob Lacey vs. Bill Bentley. The rookie Bentley has so inspired his coaching staff in this exciting battle to start opposite Chris Houston that he caused Jim Schwartz to say this about Bentley’s preseason opener: “It’s too inconsistent play for a cornerback.” Bentley also apparently drew f-bombs from his coaching staff in practice for letting Stefan “New York’s Hottest Club is BOOF” Logan burn him deep. And he’s still the favorite to win the job! Yikes.

Jacksonville Jaguars, Wide Receiver: Laurent Robinson vs. Cecil Shorts vs. Mike Thomas. SI’s Peter King reports that second-year man Shorts is pushing newly signed Robinson for a starting gig alongside Justin Blackmon. Peter also reports that the grilled chicken at the Jaguars’ cafeteria was good, even though there’s “not a lot of ways you can screw up the grilled chicken unless you over- or under-cook it.” Well…yeah. I suppose that covers it.

Indianapolis Colts, Inside Linebacker: Jerrell Freeman vs. Moise Fokou. With Pat Angerer out for at least six weeks with a broken foot, the former CFL star Freeman will battle Philadelphia castoff Fokou for the right to replace him. Colts coach Chuck Pagano seems content with either player starting, however: “We’ll continue to look at the waiver wire and see what happens there and see if there’s somebody on the street — that we’ve had some history with — and see if we can bring somebody in.” Wait, did I say “content?” Sorry, I think the better choice of words there would be “CATATONIC AT THE THOUGHT OF EITHER PLAYER STARTING.” That’s probably more correct.

Seattle Seahawks, Wide Receiver: Golden Tate vs. Sidney Rice vs. Braylon Edwards vs. Terrell Owens vs. Joey Galloway vs. Keenan McCardell vs. Irving Fryar vs. Any other washed-up receivers the Seahawks may have signed in the past few minutes. Somewhat shockingly, SI’s Jim Trotter reports that this motley crew of hopefuls aiming for the starting spot opposite Doug Baldwin were “less than impressive on my visit.” Trotter also reports that Seahawks coach Pete Carroll could be heard in the background asking general manager John Schneider if “reanimating the corpse of Don Hutson was a possibility,” then visibly slumping his shoulders when he was told it was not.

Chicago Bears, Left Tackle: J’Marcus Webb vs. Chris Williams vs. Saying, “Screw it, we’ll try it with just four offensive linemen.” Bears offensive coordinator Mike Tice made a point last Thursday when he left Webb in until the fourth quarter of the Bears’ preseason opener. What that point possibly could be is unknown, but rest assured, Tice says he’s got everything covered and he doesn’t need any help and the line is going to turn out great, you’ll see. The good news (at least if you’re Olivet Nazarene University): Peter King finds your fruit salad to be of the quality “a Tahitian resort would be proud to serve.” Huzzah!

2012 Team Previews: New York Jets

New York Jets (previously known as the Titans of New York)

• 2011 Record: 8-8 (2nd in AFC East)
• 2011 Point Differential: +14 (15th out of 32)
• 2011 Strength of Schedule (per PFR’s SRS system): 0.0 (t-16th)
• 2011 Adjusted Net Yards per Pass Attempt (offense): 5.1 (t-19th)
• 2011 Adjusted Net Yards per Pass Attempt (defense): 4.9 (t-4th)
• 2011 Adjusted Pythagorean Record (accounting for Strength of Schedule): 8.4-7.6 (16th)
• 2010 Adjusted Pythagorean Record: 10.8-5.2 (5th)

And now a story I call…The Annual Ryan Family Blitz Preparation Summit

Time and location: some time in late spring, at a Quizno’s just off the main campus of Southwestern Oklahoma State University…

Rex Ryan (seated at table): Well, well, well, little brother, I’m glad to see you’ve followed in the Big Dog’s footsteps *points both thumbs at self* and gotten yourself a little corrective surgery for that big ‘ol belly of yours.

Rob Ryan (whips hair back): Crap on me all you want, big bro, you know I look good. Plus, it helps me cut down on my excessive eating habits. Look at me, I only ordered three Double Cheese Cheesesteaks! *unleashes long belly laugh, shakes table* I’m halfway to becoming David Hasselhoff!

Rex (eyes narrow): Fine, Mr. Baywatch Lifeguard, I’ll grant you that title as long as you remember who punked your team in the opening game last year. *unleashes long belly laugh, shakes table* I’ll never forget the look on your face after Folk hit that field goal at the end. Hehe! You looked like you could have strangled Romo with your man-boobs!

Rob (clenches jaw): And I would have, too, if Garrett hadn’t blocked my path of destruction! *whips hair back* Quarterbacks are only good for one thing…

Rex and Rob in unison: GETTING BEAT TO A PULP! *both men unleash deep belly laughs that unfortunately knock their table over, spilling their sandwiches and Diet Frescas all over the floor and themselves. After a fifteen minute break to re-order food, the brothers reconvene.*

Rex: Now, of course, the main reason we’re here for the 26th year in a row is to swap ideas on blitz packages in our never-ending quest to find the perfect blitz.

Rob (nods in between bites of his Double Cheese Cheesesteak): Lord-willing, it’ll come to us one day. *belches loudly, peels paint off adjacent wall*

Rex: Exactly. Now what I liked to experiment with last year in practice was figuring out how to send ten guys on a blitz and leave Darrelle out there to cover all the possible receivers. Didn’t get a chance to use it in a game yet, but I know it’ll work in a devastating fashion. I don’t know if you know this or not, little bro, but Darrelle is so good he can cover the entire width and length of the field by himself. In all likelihood, he’s the greatest player of all time.

Rob (nods in agreement, whips hair back): I envy you, big bro. Last year, because our corners were so bad, I had to really lay off the exotic blitz packages. Sometimes…*stares glumly at the floor*…I had to put eight guys in coverage and just hope DeMarcus could beat the entire offensive line.

Rex (shakes his head sadly): I don’t know how you made it through the season without putting a bullet through your skull, brother.

Rob (looks up, eyes wide): Believe me, the thought crossed my mind. So I marched into Jerry Jones’ office at the end of the season and held him up at bellypoint. And I told that fake-looking, scum-sucking weasel that if I didn’t get a whole new secondary filled with cover corners this offseason, he was going to end up in my belly.

Rex (unleashes deep belly laugh, shakes table): Hehehe, I pulled that same exact stunt with Brian Billick when he was interviewing me for the Ravens’ defensive line gig. Never underestimate the fear of being cannibalized!

Rob (unleashes deep belly laugh, shakes table): Hehehe, you got that right. That’s why I’m sitting pretty now with a new above-average corner from Kansas City and the best cornerback coming out the draft. *whips hair back, roars* I’ll never have to send less than eight people all season! *Both Ryans roar with joy and proceed to mirthfully slap the table so hard it breaks in two. After settling up with the proprietor of the establishment, the brothers reconvene.

Rob (gets serious look): Now, if I may offer a brief criticism, big bro, I remember watching that game your guys played against Tebow last year. You know, the one you lost on that big run at the end of the game? Now I love blitzing more than anyone…but even I was thinking you should played a safe defense there and not let that little buttlicker scurry out of the pocket.

Rex (shakes head dismissively): No, little bro, I had the right idea there. When in doubt, get that quarterback’s butt on the ground. There’s just something magical about Tebow; why do you think we snatched him up this offseason? I’ll admit, though, I feel like I maybe went off-course a little bit there…

Unknown voice from the background: Damn right you did! You didn’t send all eleven!

Rex and Rob in unison: Pop?!?!

Buddy Ryan (pulls up chair): Darn tootin’ it’s your old man! I’m proud of you boys’ success, I really am. But sometimes I watch your games and I just think neither of you have any dadgum sense in the world and that you’re both dumber than a bag of hammers.

Rob (sadly whips hair back): Well, Pop, we try real hard.

Rex (with a touch of indignation): Yeah, we try damn hard. And we’re staying true to your legacy, Pop. We’re coming up with the strangest, most exotic blitz packages ever conceived in our league.

Buddy: Yeah, but are you getting the quarterback on the ground?

Rex and Rob in unison, glumly: No.

Buddy (shakes head): You need to send every available player after the quarterback. If ten guys don’t get you there, send eleven. And if eleven don’t get there, get as many players off the bench as possible to get that pretty boy Tom Brady in a body cast. When I was with Philadelphia, I once had 27 defenders on the field at the same time. And every single one of them was after Vince Ferragamo’s head. *stares wistfully into the distance* That was the greatest preseason game I ever had.

Rob (confused): Uh, Pop, what you just said sounds pretty illegal.

Buddy (glares at Rex): Your point being?

Rex (laughs, shakes head): Well, we Ryan boys may not always agree on the right blitz packages to use…

Rob (whips hair back, fully turns into a werewolf): …or which fetishes are the best…

Buddy: …but I think we can all fully agree on one thing…

Rex, Rob, and Buddy in unison: QUARTERBACKS WERE MADE TO BE BEATEN TO A PULP! *All three roar hysterically, unfortunately causing a magnitude 7.3 Earthquake and resulting collapse of the Quizno’s restaurant. Thankfully, no one is seriously injured.*

Random thoughts

Will the above image be the dominant one we see of Tim Tebow this season? Unless Mark Sanchez suddenly makes a leap in his fourth season, the answer is probably no. Tebow is slated to start the season as Wildcat quarterback and (very strangely) punt protector, but the benefit his run-first style would give to the Jets’ running game as a whole fits the “Ground and Pound” image Rex Ryan wants to recultivate. Further, below-average starting quarterbacks who are prone to wild swings of inconsistency like Sanchez don’t usually have long leashes in win-now settings like New York. My guess is we’ll see Tebow at starting quarterback beginning with the Monday Night game against Houston on October 8th…The most worrisome part of the Jets’ planned return to “Ground and Pound” strategies this year is remembering how bad they were running the ball last year. After averaging roughly 4.5 yards per carry the past two years, the Jets ranked 30th in yards per carry in 2011 at 3.8. Playing Tebow would certainly help that figure (while, granted, also greatly hurting their passing efficiency)…The Jets’ defense shockingly finished 20th in points allowed last year, but as Bill Barnwell noted on Grantland, that was due to the huge number of drives the Jets faced and the large number of return touchdowns their offense gave up. It would be safe to expect this to be a top-5 defense again in 2012… 

Outlook

The Jets’ prospects for this season appear pretty decent. As noted above, their defense actually played much better than their points allowed figure would suggest and, like the rest of the AFC East, they figure to enjoy one of the easiest schedules in the league. As long as the offense doesn’t murder them, the Jets should be able to ride those two factors to the playoffs. Long-term, however, things don’t look as rosy. This is a team that peaked talent-wise in 2009 and 2010 and would have won at least one Super Bowl during that time frame had they simply had an above-average quarterback at the helm. They appear to have whiffed on Mark Sanchez, however, and that whiff has cost them a real chance at the Super Bowl both in the past and probably in the future as well. Their once-sterling offensive line now appears to be on the downside of their prime and the defense hasn’t been injected with new playmakers since 2009. Once the Jets find their next quarterback of the future (it’s safe to say Tim Tebow probably isn’t the answer), this current core will likely be on its way out. So, yes, the Jets should return to the playoffs in 2012. But this hardly seems like a team with Super Bowl potential anymore and things will likely only get worse from here.

2012 Projected Point Differential: 329.0-287.5

2012 Average Projection: 9.3-6.7 (3rd in AFC East)