Week 10 Quick Thoughts

Scattered stats and thoughts regarding Week 10 of the 2012 NFL Season…

Houston 13, Chicago 6

Adjusted Yards per Play: 2.34 – Houston, 1.05 – Chicago

AY/P Projected Point Totals: Houston 10.36, Chicago 4.02

Quick Thoughts:

1. Ah, there’s nothing like crazy, CRAZY November weather in Chicago to bring out the best in two excellent defenses. As the rain swirled and temperature plunged from the 70 degree high from earlier in the day down towards the upper 20s low it would hit overnight, neither the Texans nor the Bears had much of a chance offensively last night. Matt Schaub had a better chance of getting Taylor Swift’s number than he did properly gripping the ball. And the Bears’ backs and receivers did their best all night to make it seem like the ball was excessively covered in lubricrated animal fat. Ultimately, it was the Texans’ second-quarter drive in which they got one step ahead of the Bears in running their stretch play with Arian Foster and Schaub and Foster teamed up for a phenomenal touchdown throw and catch that turned out to be the difference. More than anything, though, this game brought up the question: what would happen if the ’85 Bears played the ’00 Ravens in a hurricane? Hopefully this is a question WhatIfSports.com can answer.

2. To reiterate: these are two CHAMPIONSHIP LEVEL DEFENSES. Houston has successfully fought off any regression that might have been expected after last season’s suprise defensive improvement and may actually be better this season. The only real weakness to pinpoint for future opponents would be exposing their linebackers in pass coverage; the Bears actually had receivers open down the middle several times last night but, because of the combination of rain and Kellen Davis, couldn’t actually capitalize. If the Texans face a team with an actual NFL tight end, they could have some issues. And as for the Bears, I’m going to go on record as saying this is the best Bears defense of the Lovie Smith era. The biggest reason why? Charles Tillman and Tim Jennings are, shockingly, the best pair of cornerbacks in the league currently and have been leaving quarterbacks zero margin for error on throws to the outside. What was often the biggest weakness in the Bears’ defense is now an inarguable strength. Now if Jennings can just do some double duty and play wide receiver, too…

3. Finally, I’d like to be allowed one irrational fan paragraph as a Bears fan to extend a hearty SCREW YOU to Tim Dobbins for his post-game comments in which he not only denied that he hit Jay Cutler in the head but also said he was glad to see Smokin’ Jay concussed. “I know I just hit him in the chest. I did not touch his helmet.” This is partially true, Tim. You did hit him in the chest. YOU ALSO FREAKING LAUNCHED YOURSELF INTO HIS FREAKING HELMET. Perhaps that’s the strange clanging sound you heard when you were “really trying to hit him up high so he would mess up the throw as well.” Of course, even though we all know you COULDN’T POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THE REASON he was concussed, it doesn’t really bother you either way because “it was good that (Cutler) was out…You always want to take the quarterback out of the game.” Ugh. Just man up and say you were trying to bash his brains in. You’d at least be telling the truth that way.

Minnesota 34, Detroit 24

Adjusted Yards per Play: 6.81 – Minnesota, 5.46 – Detroit

AY/P Projected Point Totals: Minnesota 33.08, Detroit 23.79

Quick Thought: Christian Ponder completed a pass to himself in the first half, thanks to a deflection by Cliff Avril and outstanding reflexes on ‘ol CP’s part. Unfortunately, Avril was right there to tackle Ponder for a fifteen-yard loss. Brad Johnson, he is not!

New Orleans 31, Atlanta 27

Adjusted Yards per Play: 7.66 – New Orleans, 6.61 – Atlanta

AY/P Projected Point Totals: New Orleans 33.92, Atlanta 33.52

Quick Thought: Atlanta’s defense is horsecrap if they’re not forcing turnovers. You could consider this a problem for a supposed Super Bowl contender to have. However, they could have still extended the game if Tony Gonzalez hadn’t had the first drop of his career on that fourth-and-one at the end of the game. I’m still in shock over that. It’s basically the equivalent of fall following winter or Kevin James winning an Oscar. THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IMPOSSIBLE, TONY!

Cincinnati 31, NY Giants 13

Adjusted Yards per Play: 6.12 – Cincinnati, 2.11 – NY Giants

AY/P Projected Point Totals: Cincinnati 25.35, NY Giants 10.55

Quick Thought: Okay, NOW it’s safe to be worried about the Giants. I can only assume Eli had placed a bet with his offensive linemen before the season that he could pull off a SPOT-ON right-handed impersonation of Kyle Orton’s horrendous left-handed flip interception from a few years ago during a real game. If that’s the case, then it was probably a wise choice to do it before you get any later in the season, Eli. You don’t want to have that burning in your back pocket during the Week 17 game against the Eagles that you’ll have to win to back into the playoffs.

Denver 36, Carolina 14

Adjusted Yards per Play: 4.92 – Denver, 3.13 – Carolina

AY/P Projected Point Totals: Denver 21.44, Carolina 14.31

Quick Thought: Everybody remember how Trindon Holliday was so horrible at kick returning that even HOUSTON, whose special teams have only occasionally been better than that of a Lingerie Football League team this season, cut him in disgust? Chalk it up to the restorative magic that John Elway possesses in that mighty jaw of his. “For my next reclamation project, I will dig up the corpse of Bob Hope and turn him into a 1,500 yard rusher.”

Dallas 38, Philadelphia 23

Adjusted Yards per Play: 6.19 – Dallas, 5.06 – Philadelphia

AY/P Projected Point Totals: Dallas 23.88, Philadelphia 23.85

Quick Thought: It should really tell you something about the way these two teams’ seasons have gone that Dallas committed approximately 745 defensive penalties of the brain-dead variety (seriously: how many times can you line up in the neutral zone before you realize, “Hey…maybe I should back up two feet?”), openly abandoned any concept of denying the Philadelphia pass rush a sack in the third quarter, and STILL ended up being the team that made FAR fewer mistakes. My goodness. These two teams make Chargers-Chiefs look like a Mensa convention by comparison.

Tampa Bay 34, San Diego 24

Adjusted Yards per Play: 7.42 – Tampa Bay, 6.09 – San Diego

AY/P Projected Point Totals: Tampa Bay 22.79, San Diego 28.28

Quick Thought: Hey! Norv showed some fire in the post-game interview yesterday! “Is it acceptable? No, it’s not acceptable. Is it acceptable having a blocked punt and an interception for a touchdown? No.  In 2010, I was under the assumption that it actually was – that’s why I let the Teletubby Dipsy secretly coach our special teams that season – but I was informed by reputable sources over the course of that year that it really is not. So we took the appropriate steps to remedy that – for example, no more posters around the team facility encouraging players to let the other team through untouched on a punt. We took those down. We run a tight ship around here.”

San Francisco 24, St. Louis 24 (OT)

Adjusted Yards per Play: 6.27 – San Francisco, 6.48 – St. Louis

AY/P Projected Point Totals: San Francisco 28.66, St. Louis 37.03

Quick Thought: A tie! A tie! A tie! After David Akers missed his field goal attempt midway through the overtime period, I knew it was a possibility, but you never really think that it’s actually going to happen until Sam Bradford throws a fiften-yard out eighty yards away from the end zone on the final play of the game. So unfulfilling. So inconclusive. What a rush these ties are!

New England 37, Buffalo 31

Adjusted Yards per Play: 6.28 – New England, 5.86 – Buffalo

AY/P Projected Point Totals: New England 30.50, Buffalo 29.72

Quick Thought: Ryan Fitzpatrick has to be the most unlikely gunslinger in football. By “unlikely,” I mean you wouldn’t expect a man of his, shall we say, modest physical tools to be the one to consistently try ripping stick throws into non-existent windows, Favre-style. In that regard, he’s a role model for the nation: never let anyone tell you that you can’t do something! Try it and find out for yourself! Great lesson, Ryan. You’re truly inspiring us all. Now on behalf of all Bills fans everywhere, please stop throwing into triple coverage. You’ve made your point.

Seattle 28, NY Jets 7

Adjusted Yards per Play: 5.12 – Seattle, 1.80 – NY Jets

AY/P Projected Point Totals: Seattle 24.50, NY Jets 6.43

Quick Thought: Apparently the Jets are contractually obligated this season to not score any offensive points against NFC West teams. I’m sure at the time they signed the deal back in June, they thought, “Hey, our defense is going to be good enough to beat those no-good hucksters even without the offense. And you can’t put on a price on the $20 gift card to T.G.I. Friday’s we’re getting in return!” Unfortunately, that deal now seems a bit short-sighted. Even worse: that gift card to T.G.I. Friday’s only covered 10% of their bill.

Baltimore 55, Oakland 20

Adjusted Yards per Play: 7.97 – Baltimore, 5.03 – Oakland

AY/P Projected Point Totals: Baltimore 35.30, Oakland 26.23

Quick Thought: You may not know this, but Carson Palmer is currently on pace to throw for 4841 yards this season. Carson Palmer! The Raiders racked up 422 yards of offense yesterday…and scored 20 points. They amassed 474 yards of offense against the Falcons back in Week 6…and scored 20 points. And they put up 396 yards of offense on the Dolphins in Week 2…and scored 13 points. I’m anxiously awaiting their inevitable 600-yard, 23-point outing that’s forthcoming later in the season. You can just sense it, can’t you?

Tennessee 37, Miami 3

Adjusted Yards per Play: 5.88 – Tennessee, 1.25 – Miami

AY/P Projected Point Totals: Tennessee 25.20, Miami 5.00

Quick Thought: Finally! This is the Ryan Tannehill we were expecting back in August. You know what Joe Philbin’s advice to ‘ol Ryan was after the game? “Don’t throw it to the other team.” GENIUS.