Hello everyone. Gronk here to give Gronk take on bad news that Gronk sure everyone has heard by now. Gronk’s arm owwie, which first develop during extra point in game Patriots won by 35 points and later unfortunately re-materialize during playoff game, does not seem ever get better and now probably need another surgery to stop affection. This just latest in series of injury setbacks for Gronk and threaten to keep Gronk out for beginning of next football season.
Obviously, it go without saying that Gronk devastated by news. It well known that Gronk enjoy good time, showing off abs, trying to talk to pretty ladies and yo soying fiesta. But right now Gronk lying on couch with shirt on, no pretty lady in sight (other than three pretty ladies not wearing clothes on computer screen in front of Gronk) and sintiendo tristeza de mil perritos que acaba de ser atropellado por tractor. That Spanish language for “Gronk feeling sadness of thousand little puppies who have just been run over by tractor.” Gronk been injured for so long that Gronk been able to greatly expand Spanish vocabulary. But what cost? WHAT COST???
Not being able play football all spring and summer worst-case scenario for Gronk. Spring and summer are times when Gronk should kick workouts into top gear. 20 bench press reps okay for February or March. But when weather get hot, Gronk need to be able to bench 25 reps of 225 pound on command. If Gronk not do this, then Gronk not block Fatty Vince as well in OTAs and Coach Hoodie get mad at Gronk – and Gronk not respond well to negative reinforcement. Worse, if Gronk not able to bench press any reps, then Gronk muscles begin to atrophy and start resemble Stephen Gostkowski abs. Gronk love Stephen Gostkowski in non-gay way and think Stephen great guy, but cry uncontrollably at thought of body resembling Stephen’s. Soon, Gronk stomach grow flabby and lose sharp tone and pretty ladies no longer flock to Gronk’s side at Gronk’s slightest whim. This enough to wreak havoc on Gronk’s thinking muscles and potentially throw Gronk into existential crisis.
Sometimes Gronk look out window on cloudy day and wonder why sun not come out today. Where you gone, sun? You not love Gronk abs anymore? Gronk do 30 bench press reps to make sun come back! But now Gronk can only lie on couch, inactive and sedentary like fatties who watch Gronk play football, and does not have lifting capability to make sun come back. The sun gone forever. Gronk is one who chased it away. GRONK FAIL EVERYONE.
Yet Gronk also reminded of Harvey Dent quote from second Batman movie: “night is often darkest before dawn.” Before, Gronk always take quote in literal fashion and use advice to try to tell time during night out when Gronk forget bring watch (sadly, Gronk usually forget that night dark for really long time and end up staring at sky for eight hours). But in light of Gronk’s added injury setbacks, Gronk starting to think there deeper meaning to Harvey Dent quote than originally meets eye. Perhaps it possible that Harvey saying “Yes, bad things happen to Gronk now…but good things maybe happen later?” Gronk greatly encouraged by quote from movie guy who ended up with half face burned off and shot/tried to shoot several people, including little boy! Perhaps Gronk find strength to go on after all.
So do not cry for Gronk, everyone. Everyone facing challenges in life that threaten to push them past breaking point – Gronk no different. Some days porn stars not respond to Gronk repeated texts and other days Gronk forearm get serious infection that need emergency surgery. But Gronk choose to stay positive in face of adversity and become inspiration to millions of other people who get ignored by pretty ladies or develop funky infection in arm. As Gronk hero and life coach Bon Jovi once say,
Got to hold on to what Gronk got
Cause it not make difference
If make it or not
Got each other and that’s lot
For love – well give it shot
Whooah, half way there
WHOA-OA, livin’ on prayer
Take Gronk hand and we make it – Gronk swear
WHOA-OA, livin’ on prayer